Newsletter.
Hello there.
I’m just writing to say I hope you had a good Christmas. Things at IDgaf Towers were surprisingly calm. There were only two arguments in the family. One involved my mother calling my father a ‘vigilante’. The other started when my father started examining a shirt I’d been bought.
The shirt the came in quite a large transparent plastic bag and was folded to fit it. My father said this was different to the shirts he bought; the packaging for those was smaller and the shirts were folded to look smaller too. Thus he concluded that way my shirt was folded was designed to deceive the consumer; to fool them into thinking they were getting more for shirt for their money.
I explained that his thesis was bullshit since the size of the shirt was on the package. People knew how big the shirt would be. It’s not like someone goes into a shop and says "Ooh, this 15.5” collar shirt has *much* bigger packaging than that one. It must have more material!".
Despite being faced with unassailable logic, Father insisted that the larger packaging was a scam. I retorted by sticking my tongue into the underside of my bottom lip and pretending to be a spastic. Crude but effective.
Boxing day was... Well, Boxing Day was most memorable for going to a family’s house, bouncing their baby on my knee and cracking paedophile jokes. Amazingly they’ve invited me back for New Year’s Day; I suspect they’re going to set me on fire and throw me out of a window.
That’s Christmas summarised. I shall write again just before or after the 31st. Until then, have a good one.
Big Hug,
IDgaf.
IDgaf on 12.29.04 @ 01:10 AM GMT [link]
Cuttings from a chatroom floor.
At university - and for a few years after - I used 'Talkers': ASCII chatrooms. I've just started using one again, to pass the time during my Christmas holiday. All the names have been changed; including mine from something other than, to IDgaf. Here's an excerpt from a recent conversation. Imagine all these people sitting in a room 'Talking'. My comments are in bold. Two other things: I can't see what I've typed until I've hit return. Hence the spelling mistakes. The crack at the end is about the tsunami that killed thousands of people a couple of days ago.
>Smooth hugs Katrin
Smooth kisses Katrin shamelessly while he's at it.
You say 'Ahh. Net.love.'
>Smooth smiles.
You emote : Scalpel whispers to no one in particular. "It'll never last."
Smooth says 'Yes, indeed. And you'd think I'd be too old for such thing.'
Smooth exclaims 'well aren't you mr. cynical today!'
Katrin cuddles and kisses and makes bystanders ill.
Lascivia grins, he's cynical every day
You ask 'Ill with that? Do you have the herpes?'
>Gumption gags
You say 'I've already got some wicked warts on the wahiney. I don't need anything else man.'
Frederica grins
Smooth nuzzles with Katrin and makes Scalpel make disparaging remarks.
Katrin murmurs 'I love you' and strokes Smooth's hair and wonders if she's hit nauseating yet.
Lascivia fucking vomits on you both
Darkness lols.
Smooth chuckles.
Lascivia says 'for god's sake, use your room'
Frederica eeeewwwwwws
Lascivia exclaims 'spare us!'
Frederica hands Lic a mop
Smooth says 'I think the phrase you want is 'get a room'.'
Lascivia says 'she made me do it.'
Darkness only gets sick if it was real.
Lascivia says 'No, you don't have to get a room'
corpse says 'really laccie, the vomiting is worse than the kissing'
Lascivia says 'You already HAVE a room'
You say 'Is it hard to geta bride over the internet these days? I know they
cloed romanian orphan adoptions. Jeewz, I udnno. OPut "Single man" on the
adoption certificate and they get all supicious.'
You emote : Scalpel did ask for one nearing 16.
>Darkness imagines it's as easy as anything else, Scalpel.
Lascivia lol
You say 'I figured they had a back room with all the tards they couldn't give
away. Maybe I'd get lucky with one in terms of looks.'
>Katrin thinks . o O ( 16 mos.? )
Darkness asks 'You want a retarded bride?'
You say 'Well I reason she won;'t talk back. If she does, it'll be incomprhen
sible.'
> You say '"Go and do the ironing!" "Mwherherehedr!" "No, sorry. Couldn't
undertand. Ironing!"'
>Lascivia laughs, god you're awful
Darkness lols.
Entropy says 'get a filipino mail order bride'
deadman thinks . o O ( now that's the scalpel i remember ;) )
Lascivia says 'amen'
Darkness asks 'Why don't we have Scalpel here more often?'
Lascivia grins
You say 'They've all been washed away, haven't they? I'd have to get married
on a raft.'
IDgaf on 12.28.04 @ 03:19 AM GMT [link]
You could at least ask.
I was sitting at a table in a hospital cafeteria when a guy in a wheelchair came up to the table with his cup of coffee and started drinking.
Two things.
1. Normally it's polite to ask if someone can share a table. He didn't. I don't care that he brought his own chair.
2. When he'd finished, he pulled himself away from the table using his feet. What the hell? Not only was he impolite, he wasn't even a proper cripple.
What next? Blind people bumping into me without apologising?
IDgaf on 12.27.04 @ 02:02 AM GMT [link]
Separated by a common language.
I saw a 1968 film called 'Hell In The Pacific' the other night. It was about a US and Japanese soldier stranded on an Island together, how they started off enemies and then became allies in their struggle to get off the island. It was a good film and
I went to imdb.com to look for information about the film. It turns out there are two versions of it, each has a different ending. The endings pretty much sum up the difference between the Americans and the English.
Spoiler warning....
"American version featured an alternative ending where the two get drunk and walk off in separate directions arguing at each other; in the British version they start yelling and a bomb from the sky falls and blows everything apart."
I love England.
http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0063056/
IDgaf on 12.24.04 @ 06:53 PM GMT [link]
Laughing all the way to the Banksy?
My mother bought herself a Banksy print for Christmas. She's got her eye on another one; Christ on the cross clutching christmas shopping bags in his hands.
I'm tempted to buy it for her, but I've got a nagging feeling that in doing so I'd be part of a Banksy joke; the middle class buying art-war artwork. A capitalist buying an anti-capitalist message.
Also, I don't know if her interpretation of the piece - is this what it's all about? - is what the artist intended. Perhaps that's not important, though.
Anyone think I'm right? Or should I take the view that it's for my mother and, perhaps, I'm helping to fund more messages to make people think.
FWIW the place it's on sale has an original Banksy for £12,000. THe Christ print is nowhere near that, but I thought I'd put the whole 'art as commodity' thing into context.
http://www.banksy.co.uk/
IDgaf on 12.22.04 @ 01:23 AM GMT [link]
