These bloody things take a disproportionately long amount of time to do and still end up looking crap.
Sigh.
EDIT: I ditched the old version and, thanks to a paintshop plugin, made this new version much more quickly.
IDgaf on 12.31.03 @ 03:26 AM GMT [link]
So, we roll into another year. I wonder what you'll be doing when midnight comes around on the 31st. I''ll probably be at my computer, looking at the moon through my attic window and reflecting on the ultrasound I would have earlier that day; December 31st, Royal Free Hospital appointment at 1600hrs. No food or drink for four hours beforehand, please.
January is going to be tough. I've bloodtests on the 12th, a renogram on the 14th (an isotope will be injected into me, nuclear medicine staff tracking its course around my body. Very 'Fantastic Voyage'.), then the biopsy on the 15th which will incapacitate me for 24 hours.
It's not brilliant timing is, it? Reminds me of when I had an iron-infusion. The nurse hooked me up to an IV, made sure I was lying comfortably on an examination table and stood there looking at me. "Is there any reason you have to wait there?" "Yes, it's incase you go into anaphylactic shock." "Oh, right," I said cheerily "Why didn't you tell me beforehand?" "Ah, we don't like to scare people."
Wells THAT's ok then. Just hook me up to what looks like HP sauce and hang around waiting to plunge a syringe into my chest incase I start having a seizure. Fucking hell. What will the isotope people say? "Mr.IDgaf, does your penis normally glow a neon green?"
Fantastic Voyage.
IDgaf on 12.30.03 @ 07:56 PM GMT [link]
Being an unpopular man, I decided to look for myself on t'internet. I wondered just how many people linked to me. Why? Because links = love.
Well, it seems no-one loves me. Apart from people looking for chicks-with-dicks. As you can see here. (Oddly, I share the page with a Star Wars Galaxies reference.)
That isn't the strangest place I've been linked from. Said honour's reserved for a Japanese 'men who appreciate muscular young boys'* site. I was linked after writing about a child bodybuilder called RIchard Sandrak.
Here's a picture of Sandrak and Keith Richards. Which is scarier, the child's haircut or that Keith's head looks like it's about to fall off?
While looking for that image of Sandrak, I found a site for 'Buffo', self-proclaimed 'World's Strongest Clown'; quite which Clown Strength regulatory authority verified this, I do not know.
Check out his site for a series of homorerotic pictures of an oiled clown ripping up a phone book, petting a dog and juggling bowling balls. As if that weren't enough, Buffo allows you to compare his talents to those of the 'ordinary guy' and 'ordinary clown'; we know Buffo is superior because he alone 'drives a little clown car' and 'rides a buffalo'. (Sadly 'wearing pubic hair clown wig' isn't listed as a talent.)
Oh, he's also performed at the White House.
I leave the jokes up to you.
Buffo
RIchard Sandrak
*Those keywords should generate a few interesting hits, eh?
IDgaf on 12.30.03 @ 04:45 AM GMT [link]
Next time you're on the tube, bored, uncomfortable, distant, take a second to look around. Everyone will be minding their own business, heads in newspapers, minds on the ceiling, ears in music. Separate, detached; alien to the person next to them.
Except they're not. Neither will you be. At least one other person will be breathing in rhythm with you. Perhaps three people inhaling and exhaling in time with each other. More in the next carriage along - and the carriage beyond that.
Then on the platforms, the escalators, up to the ticket offices, the street, the sandwich shop, offices, tower blocks, hospitals, boroughs, cities, regions, countries, continents, across timezones and under stars. Millions upon millions of us all breathing at exactly the same time. Separate, detached and unbelievably close to one another.
Next time you're on the tube, take a second to look around.
IDgaf on 12.29.03 @ 11:28 PM GMT [link]
Those North American readers that don't know what a lift is should click here.
IDgaf on 12.27.03 @ 02:10 PM GMT [link]
There's no point in getting angry.
My kidney transplant is starting to wobble. It's not filtering the poisons in my body as well as it should, so I'm going for a biopsy in January. They might change my immunosuppressants. I've had the transplant for almost 14 years. I've never been on dialysis. I'm concerned.
Aside from kidneys packing in, renal transplant patients are prone to death from heart problems, infections and cancers. My blood pressure is fine. The infection in my finger has gone down. The doctor said the types of wart I have can be associated with cancer. The warts are starting to spread.
When I got the (unforseen) letter for my biopsy appointment, I didn't know if they were worried about the kidney or the threat of cancer. I juggled with which I'd prefer - lose a transplant, get a cancer. Know that a decent quality of life and health would worsen dramatically, or the quality known as 'existence' might itself be threatened.
The doctor told me the warts normally dissapear with immunosuppressant removal; but so does the transplant - "Six of one and half a dozen of the other," as he said.
I'm writing this because a friend said I should allow myself to. I'm writing this to afford myself a measure of public reflection.
I'm writing this because, one day, I might allow myself to tell you how wonderful the world I live in can be.
IDgaf on 12.23.03 @ 08:02 PM GMT [link]
The new World Trade Center (WTC2) has revealed in a press conference.
Having watched the press conference without sound (on an office plasma screen), the design appears to be for an extremely tall metal and glass building with a spike on its left-hand side, reminding me of the statue of liberty holding her torch aloft.
Perhaps the most amazing thing about the building is its title - it's been nicknamed 'Freedom Tower'.
Freedom Tower? Who in hell thought that up? Far from being something redolent of glory and rememberance, it sounds like a t-shirt slogan perfect for overweight people who wear lycra leggings and golf visors in museums.
Can you imagine the witless souvenirs it'll inspire? "I went to Freedom Tower and all I got was AN UNDYING PLEDGE TO MY GOD AND MY COUNTRY!". Good grief. What will the construction plan be called? Operation Enduring Scaffolding?
Other Freedom Towers:
Look for Azadi: http://www.iranpix.com/index.html
http://community-2.webtv.net/ifcomics/FreedomTower/
http://miami.about.com/cs/generalinfo/a/freedomtower.htm
IDgaf on 12.19.03 @ 02:52 PM GMT [link]
Various news sources report that police in Britain, North America and Australia will attempt to catch paedophiles by setting fake up internet, presumably kiddie, porn sites.
Anyone visiting the website will be told they are breaking the law, their details have been captured and may circulated to 180 countries. Interpol would do this. All of this is happening under the moniker ‘Operation Pin'.
The BBC have quoted a British Chief Constable as commenting “many new child victims are being abused every day to satisfy demand”. I guess the saying ‘kids grow up too quickly these days,’ is true then. (Either that or they’re like cars and depreciate in value once molested off the forecourt.)
The logic behind Operation Pin is this: drive the paedos off the Internet and you disrupt the “lucrative market ..[for].. pornographic images of children”. WHich makes perfect sense - drive the paedoes off the net and into the street.
I imagine the next police sting will be operation ‘Candy Racoon’; Pre-teens with 'pop slut' t-shirts will be placed in cardboard boxes supported by twigs and left outside schools and seminaries.
Or police stations.
Article: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/3329567.stm
Cop caught with kiddie porn: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/england/2895271.stm
IDgaf on 12.18.03 @ 01:10 PM GMT [link]
The BBC has run an article on Government plans to put asylum seekers’ children into care.
The Government intends to take benefits away from failed asylum seekers, unless they agree to go home. To stop families ‘ becoming destitute’, there are plans to their put kids into care in Britain. The theory is families will choose to go home together, instead of being separated abroad.
Of course there’s an obvious flaw – it’s better to know your child is safe and be apart from it, than be together with it in danger. I propose a different system. It’d manifest something like this:
“I’m pleased to say you and your wife’s application for asylum has been accepted.”
“Oh, thank you! Thank you so much!”
“However, this is on condition that your dependants go back to uh... *flicks through papers idly* Torturestan. Alone.”
“…….”
Send the children back. Isn’t that the most logical thing to do? The parents are screwed that way. It would force all-but the most cold-hearted to return. Those left, presumably morally bankrupt mud-people – would be perfect in the UK’s thriving high-APR loan (or debt collection) sectors.
What’s more, if the parents do stay (“We can work hard! Send them money!”) The Government can reject their application as bogus; if kids can go back and survive, so can the folks. “Torturestan really can’t be that bad then, Sir.”
Wouldn’t I make a great immigration officer? I'd just radiate compassion.
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk_politics/3321595.stm
IDgaf on 12.16.03 @ 06:14 PM GMT [link]
The BBC reports ex-Fugees member Lauryn Hill has attacked the Roman Catholic Church during a Vatican concert.
The audience, amongst whom were five senior cardinals, heard Hill allude to child abuse cases against US priests, say that "God has been a witness to the corruption of his leadership, of the exploitation and abuses ... by the clergy," and that the audience should seeks blessings from “God not men”.
Hill also said she didn’t "believe in representatives of God on earth" and sang about social injustice; a song not on the concerts programme.
Originally to be broadcast on Christmas Eve on Italian TV, concert organisers said her outburst and performance were unlikely to be aired.
Two questions:
1. How much deliberation do you think there was before the Papal snipers (or Robo-clerics with heat-seaking Klan-hats) were called off?
2. While we applaud Hill’s stance – and are impressed by her style – are we alone in being troubled by her (presumed) deceitfulness?
Article: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/entertainment/music/3318273.stm
Pictures of the Vatican: http://www.nationalgeographic.com/photography/galleries/vatican/index.html
IDgaf on 12.15.03 @ 01:53 PM GMT [link]
Tony Blair confirms capture of Saddam in his hometown Tikrit.
So announces www.bbc.co.uk. I hadn't realised Tony Blair was from Tikrit, but there you go.
I can't type very well ATM; the middle finger on my right hand has an infected nail. I can peck at the keyboard like a maverick 70s New York cop at a typewriter ("Damn these frickkin reports - I should be out avenging Louis!") or I can try and touch type like an Alabammy lobster boy.
Why am I telling you this? Because it's difficult to say that Saddam's 'captured' picture on the beeb makes him look like an Arab hobo or an Arab santa in training; an image perfect for cheap t-shirts, much like the 'Who's Insane? Madass Insane!' ones of the first Gulf war.
(Those and 'loadsamoney' shirts were what the cool kids wore in the early 90s, along with Flintstones jeans and felt Filas.)
If you'd like to see a 90s Gulf War t-shirt, watch 'Knight Rider 3000'. The final scene in the shopping mall, a store behind David Tosslehoff has one in its window.
Tikrit, London and futuristic America - where will Saddam appear next?
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/middle_east/3317429.stm
IDgaf on 12.14.03 @ 01:37 PM GMT [link]
